For churches to become true communities, we must be willing to deal with the difficulties and disappointments of developing meaningful relationships. If we want healthy relationships, we must set healthy expectations of ourselves and others. Here are a few pointers.

BE PATIENT

Connections can happen quickly, but relationships require time, trust, and effort. Having healthy expectations about how long deep friendships take to build will help us to be patient while we allow God to cultivate our connections into an authentic and fulfilling experience of community. Because of grace, we can enjoy the process while we wait for the end result.

BE A FRIEND

One of the greatest traps in relationships is wanting a friend instead of being a friend. When we expect others to do things for us, hang out with us, and invite us into their lives, we can easily feel excluded. Sometimes other people don't feel connected in the same way, or maybe barriers exist that we don't see. We may be used to giving up on people who don't reciprocate or pay attention to us, but grace enables us to listen, serve, and encourage others with kindness regardless of how our efforts are received.

BE GRATEFUL

Some people will have an easier time making friends than others, which can lead to feelings of resentment and jealousy. Grace allows us to overcome these feelings by celebrating the relationships that others enjoy and also by showing us how our actions and attitudes can affect others, either positively or negatively. We can trust God to give us the relationships we need while we continue to be good friends to others.

BE REALISTIC

Desiring special attention from spiritual leaders is common, but not everyone can cultivate deep relationships with every leader. As with relationships with other people, our expectations of leaders in the church can sometimes be unrealistic and even unhealthy. God uses different contexts, people, and leaders to change and grow us. Embracing this truth will help us pray for our leaders, be a friend to them, and seek their counsel when appropriate. Trust that God will put you in the relationships you need.

BE PROACTIVE

If you're unsure where to start, coming to church consistently, introducing yourself, grabbing lunch with someone, joining small groups or serving teams, showing hospitality, and becoming a member are all great ways to get to know people. While you make those connections, pray that God will give you boldness, healthy expectations, and fruitful friendships. Pray that He will show you how to be a godly friend and how to trust His timing and plan. Above all else, seek to love Jesus and remember that He has promised to give you everything you need (Matthew 6:33; 7:9-12).