We're all addicts to some degree in this country, especially in a city like Chicago. Our addictions can easily take away from the amazing rest the Lord intended for us. We are given many worldly options to cope, and trust me, I’ve given in. I want to share with you all how the Lord carried me to a state of sobriety this past year as it relates to Trinity’s current sermon series, “Detox.” I really wish I could say that my detox was instant, but that wasn’t the case, and not telling my story would be devaluing His mercy.

At 16 years old, I tried marijuana for the first time. By 21, it became a regular occurrence. I would make excuses to get high at first, until I got to the point where I would think, Yeah this is what I like; deal with it. I justified that it went hand in hand with my creativity as a harmless enhancement, but it was never enough to take away my inner hurt or my longing for transcendence. My addiction to marijuana was one of the reasons I abandoned my faith, and even though I didn’t see the need for a Savior then, He kept coming after me.

I was born again November 30, 2018. I knew I had to mature, but adjusting from old habits and reconfiguring my thought processes was tricky. I was sober the first two weeks during Christmas with my family, and it boded pretty well, but when I returned to Chicago, my environment made it difficult to stay away. I made excuses, and with 30 sober days under my belt, I found myself at square one. While no one in the church had made me feel unworthy or potentially damaging to the church family, I felt paranoid at the time about how others might respond if I was open about my struggles. I decided to leave and attempt becoming a “lone-ranger-Christian,” building up walls and isolating myself in fear.

In May 2019, I was sober for another 30 days and was reminded that God loved me and didn’t hold my addiction against me. However, I then shot myself in the foot at a Dead and Company concert (The Grateful Dead with John Mayer – two of my favorite things, so please go easy on me). At the time, I didn’t want to let go of my friends that weren’t holding me accountable to my newfound faith and sobriety - it was difficult! I wanted it both ways, but then I remembered that Jesus said, "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other." (Matthew 6:24) I had to wake up to the fact that in order to serve God I could not go back to marijuana and friends, no matter how much I wanted. 

In September 2019, I returned to Trinity, and things started to get better. I attended a membership meeting with Grant and Rachelle...and I showed up high. I wanted to see if I was welcomed, even in my addiction, so I shared my complete story with them. They did not condone it, but still hit me with a, “So… we’ll see you next Sunday?” I felt safe, accepted, and most importantly not condemned. Grant and Rachelle recommended that I partake in believer’s baptism, as Jesus modeled for us (Matthew 3:13-17), and that it may even help me get sober. I scheduled my baptism and felt like I was held in His hands once again. During this time, I also found Christian Counseling and began to work with an amazing counselor. Having a space to speak freely about my faith and struggles made all the difference. 

In October 2019, I was still using marijuana up until the week of my baptism. A non-Christian lifelong friend of mine expressed his concern, and that’s when I felt like God was giving me one final wake-up call – it’s funny how He can use anyone! That day I went into my prayer closet and felt Him say that although He had it all covered, He was still offended by my actions, and they were much deeper than laziness or a bad habit. I wasn’t honoring Him with my body, and He saw it as divination. (The Greek word for “sorcery” used in Galatians is pharmakeia, means drug related sorcery, and the practice of magical arts). “...I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-21). Gosh, I was astonished, and felt so much grief.

My third attempt of getting sober was two days before my baptism, and this time I said, “Alright Lord, it’s time. I can’t take this with me.” I was baptized and can proudly say I haven’t smoked marijuana in over three months.

In my opinion, devotion and honesty mark a successful detox. It’s vital in our walk to examine ourselves as we strive to become more like God, in obedience to our wonderful Creator. To me, love, reverence, and accountability encapsulates the fear of the Lord. Don’t get me wrong, the craving comes every now and again, but Satan’s grip has been loosened, and the sting of shame has been broken by the mighty power and healing presence of Christ, a loving family, and the support of fellow believers.

I hope my testimony encourages you to continue to fight the good fight, forget what is behind you, and press on toward the goal of winning the prize (Philippians 3:14). Through all of this, I can say with confidence that Jesus is better. Our Great High Priest sympathizes with our weakness in every way, and the serenity of His faithfulness is more satisfying than any drug you could ever try. Everything that I was searching for is insignificant compared to the complexities of His nature, the abundance of His forgiveness, and the magnificence of His eagerness to rescue and liberate us. I have had my last dance with Mary Jane. The strife I once felt so severely was crucified with Him on that Cross on Calvary. For that, I humbly welcome an identity no longer based on guilt and shame, but one that is rooted in Christ.

Want to learn more?

Join us this Sunday as we continue our Detox Series!

Listen to the Detox Sermon Series here!